Polyfil
Polyfil Insulation
Your basic “fluffy” insulation. Ours came from a haunted Tickle-me-Elmo®
doll factory. Our sincere apologies if your gloves laugh and say annoying
catch phrases.
SILICONE
STICKY FINGERS
It is a documented fact that Silicone is solely responsible for
increasedcirculation and “readability” of Victoria’s Secret catalogs
amongst teenage males for years now. We hope it will increase the sales
of our gloves.
LEATHER
New 3M ScotchGuard® water resistant Leather
We use only the choicest flesh of bottle-fed, brain-dead cows, nurtured
and hand massaged in undersized holding pens. Slaughtered at the peak
of ripeness!
DEFTEX
DEFTEX (8,000mm / 5,000gm2)
State-of-the-art waterproof / windproof / breathable fabric. Oxford Nylon
with a micro porous coating repels water and wind while unwanted body
moisture is expelled for a dry, comfortable Hand Protection System in any
condition.
TEFLON
Hyperteflon Durable Water Repellency
A special treatment applied to the fabric to ensure that all outside
invading moisture and soils bead on the fabric instead of penetrating your
HandProtection System. Good on skillets, even better on gloves.
SPANDURA
Stretch Cordura (Spandura)
Water resistant Nylon that combines optimal mobility and flexibility
compatibility with durability and agility for maximum rhymability.
AIROPRENE
Technical Neoprene
Technical Neoprene allows hands to breathe better in warm conditions
or when you’re generating excessive body heat (i.e. gastro-rectal thermal
vapors from a ski lodge chili dog and nachos).
HIPORA
Premium waterproof/ breathable insert technology
A fully waterproof/breathable glove in itself. Constructed completely
without seams to be guaranteed leak-proof. This impenetrable barrier lies
as a second defense inside the already amazingly waterproof nylon shell,
to provide the fullest assurance of complete weatherproof technology.
DFX
Seamless Insert
Constructed without seams to be guaranteed leak-proof, forming a second
barrier of defense. Think of it like a male contraceptive for your hand.
CLARINO® PALM
Synthetic Suede
Synthetic Suede for durable, super-snug fit and maximum dexterity. It’s
synthetic for you tree-huggin’ types who won’t buy our leather goods.
This material is also very good at “accidentally” dying your hands a putrid
brownish-black.
DEFGRIP
Palm REINFORCEMENT
Highly abrasion resistant polyurethane grip material insures durability and
maximum dexterity. Palms so grippy you won’t be able to release your
grabs, thus you will land on your fingers, which will snap like a Slim Jim ®.
REMOVABLE LINER
Micro fleece Inner-Lining
Added insulation wicks moisture and allows the Hand Protection System to
be worn with or without the removable liners. Take liners out of gloves and
wear over your ears. People will mistake you for a moose.
RETROPILE
Woolly Goat-Boy Fleece
One-half inch thick “woolly goat-boy” fleece. The thick pile more effectively
traps body heat providing super warm protection for your digits.
PRIMALOFT®
PRIME & LOFTY Superior warmth + water resistant
fibers = PRIME & LOFTY insulatioN
THINSULATE®
The golden fleece of the Gods
SVELTVEETAH NOSE WIPE
Super Soft and Supple Won’t scratch goggle lenses or chafe swollen, snotty
nostrils. Smooth and Creamy just like a perfectly processed cheese spread.
TWIN BLADE
Goggle Squeegee Our old squeegee had 3 blades and was rad. But we think
this is even better…that is until next year when we’ll have 17 blades made
from laser sharpened titanium alloy. It’ll cut the frost right off your goggle
lens and remove your eyebrows too!
KUNG-FU GRIP
Precurve Finger Construction